Yesterday, my potty-training two year old had a banner day: she went to the bathroom every time she had to go. It was breakthrough not only because she had never made it all day with dry panties, but also she had been showing signs of disinterest. Ah, the ups and downs of potty training!

A couple of weeks ago, my little princess simply stated: “I don’t want to go potty anymore.” As I had been doing for a month or two, I gently offered the option frequently throughout the day. Her reply had grown to a very emphatic, “No.” And, so, I let it go. I stopped asking if she’d like to go use the potty. For a few days, it wasn’t even mentioned. Then, at the beginning of this week, her interest picked back up and she’s been slowly building to this point where she has been able to stay dry all day.

At this point, I am expecting her to continue to progress while still being prepared for the one step forward, two steps back phenomenon. Potty-training is such tricky business. These are a few of my practices that I think have helped her continue to progress with potty training.

• Stay positive. Don’t pressure. Give her space to test out the process without feeling failure or my disappointment when accidents happen—it’s her learning process to own, I’m just there to guide and give support. Let her feel proud when she uses the toilet successfully and then I show my pride, too.
• Give her the space to learn about the difference between using a diaper and using the toilet. Gently talk about going to the bathroom and that “feeling” of needing to go, discuss anatomy and function at her comfort level using words and phrases she can understand.
• Incentives do sometimes work. Some parents use treats (admittedly, I used M&M’s briefly during the turning point with my oldest.) Some parents offer earning toys or outings to the park. I am currently using a very specific incentive tool with my two year old: She loves wearing dresses, and she loves pretending to be a princess. She’s allowed to wear a “princess dress” when she goes on the potty. I tell her in a positive voice that princesses use the potty, and that seems to be inspiring for her.
• Understand that even when she shows no interest, the wheels in her brain are still processing it all. I really do believe that even when she refuses to go, it’s part of her process of learning to want to go.
• A couple of tools I’ve used:
  Time to Pee by Mo Willems. She loves this book and can recite it verbatim. It’s silly, gentle and fun.
  Once Upon a Potty for girls DVD. I’ve put this on once-in-a-while since she was about 18 months old just to help introduce some of the basic concepts of anatomy and using the potty. Its age-appropriate, and she really loves it. She has begun requesting it from time to time.

I’ve been under the weather the last few days. My two year old decided to put me to bed and had determined that —in my weakened condition—I would not be able to read her required 5,000 books for bedtime. So, the good Doctor Princess helped me settle into bed saying, “lay down, Mommy. Pull up you blankets. Shh! It’s sleepytime. I read you a story.” She then “read” a few books to me; showing the pictures to me and reciting verbatim from memory. Of course, there were the inevitable toddlerisms that make a mother want to smother her child with gratuitous affection. I was a worthy patient, however. I laid still, blankets pulled high, with a grin on my face (and the Vicks vapo-rub close at hand.)

1. The Polite Elephant by Richard Scarry
2. Time to Pee by Mo Willems
3. Chicka Chicka Boom Boom by Martin & Archambault
4. Put Me in the Zoo by Robert Lopshire

She then pulled out all the stops and read my favorite (children’s) book:

5. The Dot by Peter H. Reynolds

This book is inspiring and powerful while still managing to be incredibly simple. If you haven’t read this book, do so. Immediately.

Thanks to Jen McCann, author of Vegan Lunchbox, I welcomed my new neighbors with an unbelievably good batch of vegan white cupcakes with pineapple frosting. The cupcakes have a slight coconut flavor and they’re light and fluffy; the pineapple frosting is a perfect complement. Of course, the fact that they’re vegan shocked and amazed the crowd. It’s a good thing the recipe makes enough for seconds! Yum! (I made these also for my goddaughter’s recent first birthday. I was proud to see several guests opt for my cupcakes rather than the local bakery’s chocolate confection.)

Need to de-stress and find your happy place in a hurry? These quick five minute or less relaxation tips can get you there quicker.

• The simplicity of closing your eyes and taking a few nice, long, deep breaths cannot be underestimated. (Though, probably not a good idea to do while driving.) Count to ten if you like. Envision your happy place. Imagine your kids winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Whatever it takes to find a contented couple of minutes. Go into the bathroom and lock the door for total solitude.
• Especially in winter, a nice cup of hot tea can bring on a bit of calm. Choose a blend that offers a soothing aroma such as Earl Grey or made of relaxing herbs such as chamomile. Tension Tamer does wonders to mellow a tense mood.
• A few drops of an essential oil dripped onto a warm, damp face cloth can add a little comfort to a busy day. Try eucalyptus, rosemary, lavender. Whatever suits your fancy.
• Take a hike. Or, rather, a walk. Preferably outside. If you can’t get away for a short walk, take a step outside anyway. The fresh air will do double time to relax and rejuvenate you. The solar power will feed your brain.
• Stand with your feet shoulder length apart and stretch your arms out sideways, then straight up to the sky. Make sure your fingers are spread out. Wiggle your fingers. Take a deep breath. Stretch your arms to the side again. Take a deep breath. Put arms forward. Bend at the waist. Touch the floor. Come back up to a standing position. Take another deep breath.
• The yoga child’s pose: Kneel and rest your bottom on your heels. Bend forward touching your forehead to the floor. Stretch your arms straight ahead of you. Bring your arms to your sides; palm upward. Inhale. exhale. Feel the quiet for a moment. Check out this nifty animation of child’s pose and other yoga positions at abc of yoga.
• Listen to your favorite song/music. Because music instantly enhances our moods, this is can become a simple and preferred way to improve mind and body experience. It doesn’t necessarily have to be soothing; just what calms your nerves…if that happens to be The Ramones, have at it!

Check out the trailer to this must-see movie for all women—pregnant women, mothers with children young and old, and especially young women learning about the realities of women’s health care. There are some shocking moments in the trailer alone: the panel of doctors who reluctantly admit that they almost never see a natural birth. But, with proactive women such as those that made this film, the word continues to spread that there are many options for pregnant American women—including the right to be informed, be prepared and be positive! For more info about the movie: thebusinessofbeingborn.com

A pregnant woman recently asked me an excellent question: what was my greatest strength during natural childbirth?

Truthfully, I was very fortunate to have many strengths from which I drew. My husband was an ideally supportive birthing partner. My Midwives were well-seasoned and compassionate. The greatest source of strength, however, came from a motivational tactic presented by the childbirth educator in birthing class. She introduced a simple philosophy that changed the scope of what I thought was possible, and she summed it up in one short declaration: Yes I can!

I admit I’ve always had a rebellious “don’t tell me I can’t” attitude. The idea of yes I can was at once a challenge and an affirmation. Can you? Yes, of course I can! Still, her three-word-creed was less rebellion and more inner empowerment; it was both mighty and quietly wise. The kind of yes I can that inspired my desire to experience the raw beauty of natural childbirth. It would give me the opportunity to reach within myself and put some of my stubbornness to good, productive use. Because, I honestly wondered, Could I?

I discovered I could. Twice…partly due to a newfound fascination with the art of childbirth. I began to enjoy reading books and talking with other women about the subject. The accounts of women who’ve been able to do it without medical intervention are particularly intriguing—especially those who somehow make it seem effortless, or simply, just—well—natural. I’ve learned alot from these women.

There are myriad techniques to maintaining a yes I can mindset while in the throws of labor. These helpful tools not only keep a laboring woman focused and positive but they are also proven to quell pain and speed progress. The trick is to find those that suit you. And, when utilized, the tools do direct a woman’s thoughts toward the end goal: a healthy new baby.

Some of my favorite yes I can tools are:
Deep cleansing breaths. Quiet. Dim lighting. Listening to favorite music. Walking outside. Feeling the warmth of the sun. Gently stretching arms or legs. Squatting. Finding a comfortable sitting/resting position. Bouncing/Sitting on an exercise/birthing ball. Taking a warm bath/shower. Receiving a gentle back rub. Receiving a firm back rub. Visualization of favorite things/places/people. Humming. Singing. Laughing. Enjoying the comfort of a favorite blanket/pillow/pair of fluffy slippers. Drinking a cool glass of water/juice. Feeling the presence of and embracing a spouse/partner/trusted friend. Remembering each contraction brings you one step closer to birth. Mentally acknowledging and being empowered by your progress so far. Relishing that conceiving, nurturing and birthing is part of the magic of a woman’s body. Anticipating holding your new baby. Smiling.

*Thanks to all the women who have shared their stories with me. You are all inspiring sources of strength. Special thanks to Deanna for challenging me with the crazy idea that I could. And, to my mom who has always believed I could even when I didn’t.