While researching an article, I stumbled upon a blog that has caused me to gasp and take pause. It’s the first of its kind that I’ve seen, written by an obstetrician whose goal is to debate current practices surrounding “natural” childbirth (quotation marks, hers), the midwifery profession and, with much froth and fervor—homebirths. Despite her medical degree and based upon her tone and stance, I am truly concerned about the author’s ability to reasonably and responsibly council her patients/audience.

Her presentation is aggressive, combative and judgmental; well beyond harmless ranting. Rather than truly debating these topics, the author—whom I’ll call Docblog—addresses the subject of natural childbirth advocacy as if its very existence is a personal attack on her and her medical profession. She refers to supporters of natural, unmedicated birth as irresponsible, reckless, and uneducated people who don’t know what they’re talking about. She is not furthering the discussion of responsible practices. She aims to end the discussion with hers as the final word. And, that I find most disturbing.

While it may seem unlikely that I might admit this, I am grateful to her for her belligerent confrontation of natural childbirth advocates. I am thankful, because I am reminded that anyone who attacks a debate from a defensive posture elicits my skepticism—as in, why all the bellicosity? Why are you so defensive? Where does this topic hit so personally that you lose all reasonability which would give any merit to the other side? And so, with my skepticism aroused, the gauntlet is thrown down to educate myself further. Truly, Docblog has reignited a desire in me to continue my inquiry into information about these subjects and their many associated perspectives. After all, in the legendary words of Francis Bacon, Knowledge is power.

Acknowledging Sir Bacon’s observation gives me pause to consider the many women I’ve met or been in contact with through this site who espouse a fundamental mantra in supporting natural birthing: Be informed. Be responsible. Be prepared. In my experience, it’s women who have actively sought out information about pregnancy, labor and birth that most often choose to attempt birth without medical interventions. Ask a woman who has chosen an unmedicated birth to define meconium, locate the perineum or debate the side effects of commonly used narcotics during childbirth, and she’ll do so without blinking. Many women who have chosen midwife-assisted care can cite the works of such groundbreaking practitioners as Dr. Grantly Dick-Read, Dr. Michel Odent, or Ina May Gaskin. If nothing else, these women are educating themselves, choosing to be active participants in the event of their child’s birth while benefiting from the specific knowledge and experience of a certified midwife or licensed doctor.

Yet, her cautions are not lost on me. Motivated by all of the Docblog’s criticisms of natural childbirth advocates, it must be clearly stated that:

Women should choose their health care provider carefully. Very carefully. Women interviewing a doctor or midwife should feel comfortable to ask as many questions as they see fit to receive the answers and reassurance they are seeking. When hiring a health care practitioner, one should always feel a level of strictest comfort and trust. If your practitioner makes you feel uneasy in any way, choose someone else. By its very nature, childbirth places women in an extremely vulnerable position both for herself and her child and, thus, requires that all practitioners be knowledgeable, trustworthy, and compassionate. In addressing Docblog’s argument that birth tragedies happen when the practitioner is found to be inexperienced or—worse—unqualified, I will make one last clear statement: of course midwives should be certified, credentialed and insured. That’s a requirement. That’s common sense. Hire a doctor or midwife that is qualified. If there are any doubts, investigate or make another selection. Otherwise, you might as well attempt it alone, and I would never advocate that.

In the end, the truth is —or maybe, more accurately—my truth is that truth is relative. A skilled author can cull together a group of facts and figures to support virtually any argument. Likewise, a capable debater can dispute a grouping of data simply by touting their own grouping of data. The trick is to be armed with enough knowledge, and not a little common sense, to wade through it all and draw an informed, deliberate conclusion. I have all the faith in the world that my peers are actively choosing to do just that.

Visit the homebirth debate for an in depth look at the chicanery that inspired this response.

Educate yourselves and your families. Make informed, responsible choices.

I’m half way through mother’s day. It’s been a solidly great day so far.

I woke up unnaturally early to participate in the local Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. I’ve been doing this ever since losing my aunt to breast cancer a few years ago. I would never say she lost her battle because, quite frankly, she was the strongest woman I’ve ever met. And, she fought her personal experience with cancer so patiently and with such grace that it might not even be accurately described as battling or waging war or some other violent analogy. She was an amazing human being. And, though the anniversary of her passing doesn’t occur on or around Mother’s Day, I always think of her all day on this day. I think of her not just because I spend the first half of every Mother’s Day participating in the race—being among nearly 50,000 other people remembering or celebrating women affected by breast cancer—but it’s also become a family tradition that my husband, children and I look forward to doing. I love spending time with my family as a family…laughing, squabbling, whatever. It’s my family. And, honestly, without them I wouldn’t even be a mother. So, I choose to spend the whole day with them (minus the naps I had to wrestle them into after the race. Don’t children ever get tired?!?!) But, yes, I enjoy spending mom’s day with my children. I also like to relax and thus, draw the line at performing any tasks that would qualify as household maintenance like chores, cooking or laundry . It’s important to me that I spend time with my own mom, too—I feel fortunate to live not so far from her. So, we’re going to dinner with my parents as well as my brother, sister-in-law and nieces. Sounds typical? Or worse, mundane? It isn’t.

My son gave me a beautiful present this morning that he made by himself in preschool. He was so proud. He hid it in a secret place and couldn’t wait to play scavenger hunt with me to find it. It brought tears to my eyes not because of my urge to imagine looking back on that moment 20 years from now and feel nostalgic, but rather I chose to cherish him now and appreciate him for the silly, thoughtful, sometimes stubborn little guy he is. I’m thankful that I’m his mom. I’m thankful that the little guy gave me an opportunity, a reason to be a mother…even on these days when I have to coax him to do things like take a nap after a long morning of pulling his sister in our wagon through a crowd of thousands.

Happy Mother’s Day all!

We have a secret in our culture, and it’s not that birth is painful. It’s that women are strong. ~ Laura Stavoe Harm

It’s April first. I’ve been spending quite a bit of time doing non-parenting activities. I’ve been doing quite a bit of activities for myself. While they are great projects—being on the Rec Board of my Borough; studying for professional certifications; writing for this site; training staff at a local small business—I am discovering that something’s amiss. Although it’s worthwhile work I’ve been doing, I have to admit that I feel a disconnect happening between my children and me. Not a huge isolating, neglectful disconnect. Rather, a feeling that I miss the great amount of time we usually spend together. And, I can tell they miss it, too.

I’m a stay at home mother which translates into I have alot of plates spinning in the air at one time. And, in my case (and, I don’t think I’m alone here), the spinning plates have begotten more spinning plates. So, this month I’m going to focus on being a mom. An Attentive mom. Flying kites. Playing board games. Mending torn superhero costumes. Baking bread. Singing silly songs. Practicing phonics and mathematical equations. Setting a positive example. Reading new and interesting books together. Taking long springtime walks in the park. Whatever the concept of being an attentive mother might present, well, I’m going to do that.

And, the rest of it may just have to wait until May.

Yesterday, my potty-training two year old had a banner day: she went to the bathroom every time she had to go. It was breakthrough not only because she had never made it all day with dry panties, but also she had been showing signs of disinterest. Ah, the ups and downs of potty training!

A couple of weeks ago, my little princess simply stated: “I don’t want to go potty anymore.” As I had been doing for a month or two, I gently offered the option frequently throughout the day. Her reply had grown to a very emphatic, “No.” And, so, I let it go. I stopped asking if she’d like to go use the potty. For a few days, it wasn’t even mentioned. Then, at the beginning of this week, her interest picked back up and she’s been slowly building to this point where she has been able to stay dry all day.

At this point, I am expecting her to continue to progress while still being prepared for the one step forward, two steps back phenomenon. Potty-training is such tricky business. These are a few of my practices that I think have helped her continue to progress with potty training.

• Stay positive. Don’t pressure. Give her space to test out the process without feeling failure or my disappointment when accidents happen—it’s her learning process to own, I’m just there to guide and give support. Let her feel proud when she uses the toilet successfully and then I show my pride, too.
• Give her the space to learn about the difference between using a diaper and using the toilet. Gently talk about going to the bathroom and that “feeling” of needing to go, discuss anatomy and function at her comfort level using words and phrases she can understand.
• Incentives do sometimes work. Some parents use treats (admittedly, I used M&M’s briefly during the turning point with my oldest.) Some parents offer earning toys or outings to the park. I am currently using a very specific incentive tool with my two year old: She loves wearing dresses, and she loves pretending to be a princess. She’s allowed to wear a “princess dress” when she goes on the potty. I tell her in a positive voice that princesses use the potty, and that seems to be inspiring for her.
• Understand that even when she shows no interest, the wheels in her brain are still processing it all. I really do believe that even when she refuses to go, it’s part of her process of learning to want to go.
• A couple of tools I’ve used:
  Time to Pee by Mo Willems. She loves this book and can recite it verbatim. It’s silly, gentle and fun.
  Once Upon a Potty for girls DVD. I’ve put this on once-in-a-while since she was about 18 months old just to help introduce some of the basic concepts of anatomy and using the potty. Its age-appropriate, and she really loves it. She has begun requesting it from time to time.

Need to de-stress and find your happy place in a hurry? These quick five minute or less relaxation tips can get you there quicker.

• The simplicity of closing your eyes and taking a few nice, long, deep breaths cannot be underestimated. (Though, probably not a good idea to do while driving.) Count to ten if you like. Envision your happy place. Imagine your kids winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Whatever it takes to find a contented couple of minutes. Go into the bathroom and lock the door for total solitude.
• Especially in winter, a nice cup of hot tea can bring on a bit of calm. Choose a blend that offers a soothing aroma such as Earl Grey or made of relaxing herbs such as chamomile. Tension Tamer does wonders to mellow a tense mood.
• A few drops of an essential oil dripped onto a warm, damp face cloth can add a little comfort to a busy day. Try eucalyptus, rosemary, lavender. Whatever suits your fancy.
• Take a hike. Or, rather, a walk. Preferably outside. If you can’t get away for a short walk, take a step outside anyway. The fresh air will do double time to relax and rejuvenate you. The solar power will feed your brain.
• Stand with your feet shoulder length apart and stretch your arms out sideways, then straight up to the sky. Make sure your fingers are spread out. Wiggle your fingers. Take a deep breath. Stretch your arms to the side again. Take a deep breath. Put arms forward. Bend at the waist. Touch the floor. Come back up to a standing position. Take another deep breath.
• The yoga child’s pose: Kneel and rest your bottom on your heels. Bend forward touching your forehead to the floor. Stretch your arms straight ahead of you. Bring your arms to your sides; palm upward. Inhale. exhale. Feel the quiet for a moment. Check out this nifty animation of child’s pose and other yoga positions at abc of yoga.
• Listen to your favorite song/music. Because music instantly enhances our moods, this is can become a simple and preferred way to improve mind and body experience. It doesn’t necessarily have to be soothing; just what calms your nerves…if that happens to be The Ramones, have at it!